The ringing phone - full of hope

19 Feb, 2026

I had the oddest phone-call tonight.

Firstly, let me set the scene. I'm away from home at a conference related to work. I spent seven hours travelling the length of Scotland last night. The conference is also in the hotel I'm staying in. An out of town, traditional pile, in a country-esk style. In my head it's fashioned for a certain American market - where they think this is how we live in Scotland!

A large lounge, with high-backed leather chairs and over-sized sofas awash with tartan cushions. The bedrooms are covered in panelling, with oversized heavy brown wooden furniture; again the over-indulged tartan on the curtains, cushions, and heavy throw on the bed.

By far the strangest item in my room is a telephone. It has been a long time since I have seen such a contraption in a hotel.

It rang!

Cut to tonight. The conference is over, I am back in my room, unwinding; thinking I might visit the overstated lounge for a beer and consider the food offerings.

The phone rang. A shrill noise. Unexpected. Who the hell is calling me? Why? I have a mobile phone!

"Hello", said I tentatively.

"Hi sir, It's the front desk. I wondered if you would be joining us tonight in the restaurant for a meal?"

I was genuinely surprised at the question. I'm not sure why. It just seemed an odd thing to ask.

Without thinking I responded, "sure, if you are paying".

Oh how we laughed.

I said I would be eating tonight at some point. There was then further pressure on me to pick a time slot.

Fast forward to my meal. The restaurant was empty. I sat, alone, in a room capable of serving about 50 souls. The hotel seems very quiet.

I can only assume the front desk were herding up guests in the hope the chef could leave early.

Behold. A napkin, crafted to resemble a man's formal shirt.

And now, I sit in the near-empty lounge, typing this tale, sipping a beer. I ponder my seven-hour return journey tomorrow morning, after a good night's sleep dreaming of tartan, and a hearty overpriced breakfast.